other self

today is the 1st to shed tears for her? now i know why i have a so called other self. to hide the pain, the sorrow the fury and all else. so know one will truely understand how much i love and care for my sisters. its always like this even if i didnt expect id feel the past from my closest sister. why? all i can do is watch like before, and i will not say what i feel because no matter what my past will always repeat tell or not repeat again and again

?noitazilaer eht

guess all i can say right now is that min means alot to me out of all my closest friends and sisters. why do i feel so worried for her? i guess cuz i dont want to drift away like i have from another close friend keziah. it dont seem like keziah and i are close and thats why im worried. i dont want to lose my first and closest lil sis. guess today was the day for my realization. though i knew she ment much more to me than alot of people and friends, i didnt know how much i truely love her like a sister as much as i do now. guess the feeling of loss shows my true feelings for her and others...but

9/12/09

today was sorry iora but, the worst day ever. instead of being able to go with iora today and make her a very happy person, i was FORCED to go to a retreat for CHURCH. there it was horrible. the power went off and became so hot. what is worse is ive been planning things since the summer for this day. it was all fucken ruined because of this retreat. i cant believe the lord just did that. im starting to not like church and worse is i feel like i changed back to my more demented angry state. i hate today
im sorry iora i really wish i could have been with you. how will i be able to make this up to you? i dont ever want to go back to church in ways. i cant take it