always the same

why is it the same in the end of the year. I am never able to say what i really need to say to some people. always something stopping me from being able to express my feelings. on the last day of this school year, i wanted to tell someone that they are like a sister to me, but now she's with someone and i dont want her to thinking anything like that. i just dont want her to think i like her when really i dont. never am i really to talk to her, and now that she's with someone, who my bestfriend said hurt two of her own friends, i cant just stay there and watch. i cant express it to her because of that. And i dont even play a big part in her life so she doesnt know these things. she doesnt really talk to me and i know she doesnt really care about me, so i guess i can just disappear out of her life with out her caring. I'll bet that she wont even care if i start bleeding

last night i had insomnia because of this. when i finally fell asleep though, I had a dream of her. what happened was that she ignored me and just talked to everyone else. and during this was in p.e. it seemed so real and most of my dreams do happen for odd reasons. so i think sometime soon she is not gonna talk to me anymore and ill be out of her life

this reminds me of the other time i used to like my bestfriend. she was going out with people who i thought and knew where not that good. all i can do was watch because i didnt want my feelings get in their way. eventually i couldnt hold it in anymore and i said it to her. doing that made everything worse and that is why i dont want to do it again. i mean if me and my bestfriends relation got very bad because of that, what would happen if i tell it to someone who barely knows me and doesnt really care about me?

maybe the best thing to do is to talk to mia one last time and see if i can be someone who really does something in her life.